Finding Care and Comfort Amidst a Dementia Diagnosis

The day I married my husband, Bill, was the happiest of my life. The future seemed wide open, with endless possibilities ahead. We made five, ten, and fifteen-year plans together. Health problems didn’t factor into any of them. Then, my husband got the worst diagnosis of all.

Bill was diagnosed with dementia. It was a complete shock to both of us, but I tried to reassure myself, thinking: Well, it can’t get much worse than this. I’ve made that same optimistic assumption multiple times in this journey, but if there’s one thing I learned about dementia, it’s that it is unpredictable.

When my husband first became ill, we were seeing a neurologist at another facility. However, a family member wisely suggested that we seek the best Arizona care. That’s exactly what we got with Dr. Anna Burke and the Alzheimer’s and Memory Disorders Program at Barrow Neurological Institute.

From the moment we came to Barrow, we have not wanted for anything. The physicians and support staff have been there for us through all the ups and downs and the expected and unexpected of this disease. When we requested a consultation to be sure a family illness wasn’t complicating Bill’s dementia diagnosis, Dr. Burke immediately arranged testing with another Barrow department. The outreach team also helped us immensely in applying for benefits, as Bill is a veteran. I cannot describe how fortunate we were to have such a high level of care available to us.

As a care partner, it took me a while to admit that my beloved husband needed this kind of help. Although offered, I didn’t attend the Memory Cafes or the Care Partner Support Groups right away. I thought: No, we’ve got this. We’ve always handled our problems by ourselves. Little did I know how rapidly the dementia would progress.

A little over two years ago, my husband had to be placed in a care residence. It was the most difficult and heart-wrenching decision we ever had to make. He was my person, the love of my life, but I knew I could no longer provide the type of care that he needed. Thankfully, Barrow helped me find a residence that was a perfect fit for Bill—a place where he is treated like family during the hours I can’t be with him.

Throughout all of this, Barrow has become my lifeline. The information and level of support they continue to offer is phenomenal. I regularly attend the Care Partner Support Groups, and I’ve made some amazing friends who understand me in ways that others don’t. I am so grateful to Barrow for giving us an opportunity to lift each other during these difficult times.

Many more challenges lie ahead in Bill’s dementia journey, but when I look into his eyes, I know in my heart of hearts that Barrow will continue to do everything it can for him. He is safe, he is comfortable, and he is cared for. As a care partner and as a wife, that’s what matters most to me. I have Barrow to thank for that, and I could not be more grateful.

With gratitude,
Martha McClary